If you’re wondering whether or not I stand behind all of the sad sack philosophizing I just spewed in my last post, I guess the answer is: sort of. The assumption that the universe is spiritless, savage chaos and that anything uniquely human can be boiled down to animal urges has, sadly, always felt like the most reasonable explanation to me. But it has also always felt a bit too simple; a worldview spawned by brilliant scientific minds seeking order but possibly tainted by mental rigidity, destructive thought patterns and, perhaps, contempt for the non-brilliant masses. In some ways it feels as limited and filled with holes as organized religion, just heading in the opposite direction, and I like to think that the truth probably lies somewhere between the two extremes.
It’s obviously much easier to destroy than to create, and this destructive way of thinking is something I’ve always grappled with in my life. I decided I should paint it so that I could externalize the negative cyclical thinking and get a good look instead of holding on. When I jotted some of these possible themes in my sketchbook beforehand, I felt apprehension because I didn’t want to advertise myself as someone who has settled on how the world works and is now sharing it with people (through both the paintings and these explanations). This being said, I was never under the impression that anyone but myself would have any idea what was going on in either piece. I certainly wouldn’t know what they were about if I hadn’t painted them. I guess it feels like a disservice to the viewer and to myself to put out something that obviously needs to be deciphered and not ever want to talk about it.
I imagine most of what I express in my art, whether it’s through symbolic images or palette choices, as being paired with a subtext of “maybe?” This, to me, is the beauty of art: you don’t need total conviction. You can start playing with an idea and abandon it just as quickly as you started – no need to stand unflinchingly like a politician behind a set of ideals and hope you don’t get caught being unsure of yourself. Creative expression takes nothing for granted. It’s an endless search for meaning and a celebration of all-important nonsense.
Categorized in: Thoughts
This post was written by mryczek